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My name is Samantha Garner, and I'm from Boston, Massachusetts. I'm a Cheeselandian because I take cheese seriously just like they do in Wisconsin. Go to Cheeselandia.com to learn more. And if it's for you, sign up. This week on Meet and Three, we're talking about the United States' biggest crop.
It's corn. They will always tell you that corn is like their family. Corn is their family. You treat corn like you would treat your family. These subsidy programs are supposed to be for really dealing with unexpected things that happen to farmers.
Although in practice, a lot of times farmers are actually paid farm subsidies for things that we can control and do expect. Tune in to Meet and Three available wherever you get your podcasts. And today is your birthday. What's up, hey? How old are you, Dave?
50 years closer to the box. No. Listen. Yeah, yeah. By the way, in case this is the first time any of you is hearing this, we also have we got Matt in his Rhode Island Heidi Hole.
We got Nastasia on the beautiful Long Island Sound. And we got uh John's back in the in the great city of New York in his Murray Hill ensconcement, right? That's right. Yeah, yeah. Yep.
Yeah. So John has what would have been like a cool I've never actually seen his apartment, so I'm making this all up. But like I think it's nice in that he has some sort of like outdoor roof access, except for the majority of time that he was there during the COVID, they were doing asbestos and b uh uh abatement. So he was like sealed into a loud bubble of uh of asbestos. Is that true?
Well, I wasn't sealed in a bubble with asbestos, I was sealed in a bubble to protect me from the asbestos. Yeah, it was really miserable. I had no natural light coming in for a lot of the early days, early months of COVID. It was really depressing. He's like, sweet, I have like my own like almost like little outdoor space, and I'm like way up high, I can see everything, and then and then all of a sudden, oh wait, we're plastering over your windows, and brr.
For any of you that have never lived in New York, one of the joys of New York is the hammer drilling that like makes it through every corner of every building here, right? Yep. It's horrible. Oh, the hammering. It feels like it's in your head, in your mouth, you know.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You know what the miracle of hammer drilling is? Is that especially with like uh New York City concrete style buildings, is that like let's say you are the hammer driller. No one in the building can figure out exactly where you are because it's loud everywhere.
Yeah, like travels through the whole building. It's crazy, you know? I don't know. Whatever. Uh yeah.
50 50 years uh what did you do? When? Well, for you well, this weekend, last night. I so I sent Dave some champagne. It's my birthday tonight.
I sent Dave some champagne last night to drink on the show. Well, to drink half of it last night and then half on the show, which was what the message said. And uh apparently your 16-year-old son received it. Yeah, yeah. So like that's true to New York, true to New York style.
A man, like I'm I'm on like, you know, one of you know how like now that like with Zoom, like people assume that you can zoom at any hour of the day or night. So I'm on an actual like meeting at like uh like eight for for my other son Booker, and um Dax here's a ding dong, goes over, dude. Just hands a bottle of bubbly to my 16-year-old. He could have been party, like he couldn't even have well now you know. Well now he knows.
The Lancy wants to be able to do that. Yeah, do we wanna do we want to shout out the company so that all the 16-year-olds on an underage party? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you think the limit is? Like, will they roll a keg in and just hand it to a 16-year-old?
I think we'll do anything. Let's just see how well you guys remember uh home alone. This is Dave Arnold, the father. And then you call them in an order that way, and they'll just like roll booze, and that's what Macaulay Culkin was like. This is the father.
When he was like uh calling for his uh whatever his room service in Home Alone 2 when he was in the hotel at the plaza. No memories. All right. Uh so what did you do? Well, so on uh Saturday night was uh when I went out with uh with Jen uh and we went to Keynes.
First time ever, first time indoor eating the for the whole pandemic. I have to do that. How was the experience indoors? I mean, it was it was good. It was great.
They had spit guards up between the tables. So it was like eating out. First of all, like I've said on the show many times, quote unquote outdoor eating here in New York is not, in fact, out outdoors. People build like uh garages, and then you eat inside of this garage and or greenhouse with spit guards between you and the next person. So it's it's it's outdoor in name only, right?
So Jen was a little nervous, and she there was we're next to a window, but we opened the window and uh and so she felt better, but it's great. I'd never been in with all those pipes. So, like, for those of you that've never been to Keene's famous steakhouse, known for its uh mutton, uh mutton chops, which I had, Jen did not have the mutton chop. Uh, you know, and uh it was very very good. The sort of m the way the mutton chop works, for those of you that like are like asking first of all, it didn't taste super old.
It was just not lamb anymore, right? So it wasn't like super young, right? But it didn't taste like it was like a five-year-old thing. It just tasted like kind of like a like a beefier lamb. But the fun thing about it is it looks like someone handed the butcher like a whole sheep, and then they were just like, I don't know, and they put the sheep on a bandsaw and were like neep neep because you have like the ribb bone goes right through the center of it, and then you have the two chops to the side of the rib bone and then you have the flap of meat all the way around to the belly and they just cook the whole damn thing.
So I mean you know maybe it started as laziness and turned into a thing who knows so you didn't like it. No I loved it. That was great. And then on the ceiling they have all these clay pipes like you know like like uh like uh colonial Williamsburg style clay pipes you know I'm talking about Stas? Yes I've been there.
Oh did you like it? Yeah I've been there yeah I used we used to go to the bar a lot. Oh yeah I hear they have great cocktails. I didn't have a cocktail when I was there. You know what's weird?
I lived two blocks from there for five years and I never went. I guess we didn't have any money when I was there. Yeah I mean it's expensive. Yeah but so like uh so not that we have money now boom especially well we'll get into it with the with the Amazon stuff. Uh so like so like but for those of you never been like on the ceiling is all of these like like colonial Williamsburg pipes like hanging from little hooks with numbers on them.
So up until 1978 you could become a member and then you would have your pipe and you would smoke it and then at the front they have like a bunch of these pipes like with the names of the people underneath it. So of course like Douglas MacArthur the general of course because he was like such a vain D-bag his pipe was all ornamented like you couldn't just have a plain pipe like everyone else but like right to the right of of MacArthur's pipe and up one in the display Rube Goldberg's pipe. Rube Goldberg's pipe and so I'm sitting there like cracking wise like I always do I'm like hey Rube Goldberg has a plain pipe what's up with that and then the guy literally without missing a beat. The uh the guy at the front was like, Yeah, but you should have seen the contraption we had to use to get it off of the ceiling. And I was like, boom, boom, boom, boom.
I love it. I love anyone. First of all, I didn't like you don't even think of Rube Goldberg as a real guy. You know what I mean? Uh-huh.
Do you do you think of Rube Goldberg as a real guy? Uh you mean because the name sounds crazy? No, because he's like a thing. It's like a Rube Gold. Yeah.
It's a Rube Goldberg, this, it's a Rube Goldberg, that. It's not like, you know, Dr. Seuss, I think of as a real author, Rube Goldberg. I don't think of as a real person. I definitely don't think of him eating mutton and smoking a pipe and pounding cocktails.
You know what I mean? I definitely I failed to realize it was, you know, it was named after some guy walking around building contraption. I b well I believe he was a cartoonist. I believe his stock and trade was a cartoonist. And he was maybe two levels above the family circus guy, which for anyone who remembers comics, Family Circus is just like I don't even know why that thing existed.
Uh okay, so you went there, then what else? I went there. Well, I mean, you know, whatever. That was Saturday, Sunday. Uh oh, well, my my uh my mother-in-law sent me a incredible cheese selection from Jasper Hills, and actually it like I've like it's literally called the baller cheese box.
Get it? Cheese ball, ball box, cheese baller box. Anyway, so it's like it's like it's this giant box of mostly Jasper Hill with other stuff like cabot, and it it's like all semi-eco-packed, so like wood shavings instead of plastic on the inside. And uh, so we've had cheese for days. I I baked some bread.
My wife uh just got me the uh the como. I now have a Como Mio mill, so like you know, Nastasia can hear about milling for the next you know million years. I got some new wheat in the Sassi, you'll be glad to know. Some new soft wheat, some new corn. Who got you that?
I bought the wheat and corn. My wife bought me the mill, I bought the wheat and corn. What do you doing? I just got a new Detroit style pizza pan. I don't know.
Dax is cooking. I thought I was gonna cook. I was like literally like, I was like, all right, time to grind the flower, I'll make some stuff, and then Jen's like, by the way, Dax has dinner tonight. And like I'm like happy but nervous a little too. Why?
Well, who cares? It's one day. Like one. No, no, not about the food. It's like I wonder what the kitchen's gonna look like afterwards.
It's like when Booker, uh yeah, when Booker, you know, Booker quote unquote, you know, when Booker bakes, it's like, you know, the kitchen is like I have a large sink. I have a large sink, people at fifty. You should hire somebody to clean the kitchen once for your birthday after your son cooked. Yeah, birthday, gifts. Birthday.
Yeah. All I'm saying is this. My like the rule that I like to have is that uh if if if I kneel down with my eyes level to the sink, I don't want to see dishes above that eye line. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.
Like that's the that's the goal. Uh tomorrow, uh, the Booker and Dax crew were all uh we're gonna go out. We are where we where are we going? Uh John. Racine downtown.
But it's not named after Racine, Wisconsin. Uh all right, and uh this weekend I'm going, I'm going up to Connecticut. So it's a fun-filled birthdayslash almost Easter time, right? Is it when's Easter? Is it this weekend or the next weekend or the weekend after that?
I don't like Easter. Why don't you like Easter? What's it's what's with Easter? I don't know. I mean, it's very religious.
Well, only if you're religious, otherwise it's a it's another good meal to have with the family. And an excuse to dye eggs. Yeah, you know what dyed some eggs. Do you know or yeah? How are they?
Uh they're great, you know. Depending on the color, it seeps through a little bit, but uh it's a good time. Do you know what Nastasia Lopez introduced me to? And there's still time people. And they're gonna get a dollar ninety-nine at Michael's right now.
I saw that. I bought a couple. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh Cascarones, Nastasia Lopez introduced me to the joys of smashing an eggshell on your friends' heads.
I think I do it too hard though. I'm sure you do. I mean, I do it real hard. Are you gentle or do you do it real hard? Listen to this.
I went to Michaels, they are having the Easter sale, which was fifty percent off, right? Every everyone everyone loves Michaels, by the way, we're a Michaels crew here. We like Michaels. So everything Easter was fifty percent off. So I got the Star Wars Easter eggs because my friends with babies are coming over to Easter egg hunt.
So I got the Star Wars Easter eggs, but those rang up regular price. And I said to the lady, these are Easter eggs, they should be fifty percent off like everything Easter. And she said, Nope. And I said, But it says Easter eggs on here. And she said, They're not Easter.
And then I said, Well, I better see them at Christmas. And I left This is a very Nastasia story. I enjoy it. Yeah, I know you didn't know. Wow.
I mean, what you know, and you know why, because they were Disney and like Disney does not give discounts. So yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.
Yeah. That's uh but yeah, but like but like Thank God you played hardball with your local Michaels. You gotta show them who's boss. They are literally Easter though, so I don't get it. I don't get it either.
Like and also she didn't give an ex she just said no. Like Yeah, yeah. Yeah. F first of all, and like Nastasia's not one to let that kind of stuff drop. I mean, like, come on, come on, people.
Come on. I mean, like, you don't even need to know Nastasia. Like, it's like, if you say something to her, she's gonna put the look on her face. And you know, you know that you're not getting out of this on scale. That's some real crap.
That's some real crap. That's some that's filth, it's garbage. It should say except for Disney crap. Right. Like, if there's gonna be an exclusion, it should say except for Disney crap.
Yeah. Or it should say 50% off most Easter crap. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.
Did your mom make those first cascarones that we had at the FCI? Or is she gonna uh I don't remember, but we've done both. I don't remember which ones those were. Okay, so people, if you've never had one of these, like again, this is one of the joys of life that Nastasia has introduced uh me to. Uh and she's had me make them too.
We never made them together though, did we? I don't think so. So you you you you you crack out the bottom of an egg, shake out the egg, use it for something else, or throw it away if you're a jamok, let it dry, fill it, like not fill it, but like put confetti in and then put crepe paper paper over the hole and then smack it over, you know, with with with omega. The best thing is is to introduce somebody to them by like pretending it's an egg, you know. You put them in the carton and then or they come in a carton and then you pretend it's a real egg, and then you're like, whoa, and then yeah.
Yeah, bam! Yeah, real messy. Ma'am, may I suggest doing it outside, unless you have someone coming over to clean up your birthday uh slash uh house because oh hey, did you hear this? Last time I was at Michael's, I didn't know this, but apparently glitter is canceled. Yeah, it's they said some racial slurs that glitter no apparently, like I don't know, glitter like Fs with I don't know, I don't know.
Like I I I went I was at a uh a store the other day and I was like, Do you have glitter? Because I needed it for a project that we're working on here. I need to I need to like motion track liquids, and so like I needed something that was shiny so I could see it moving around. I was like, Do you have glitter? And they looked at me like I had just like I had just like uh destroyed the entire environment.
They're like, no. We don't say that anymore. No. Do you have glitter? No, not anymore.
And I was like, oh geez. Alright, okay. Uh bye. You know, and then I ordered some online. Because I needed the glitter.
You know what I mean? I don't know. But have you heard this? Have any of you heard this? No, it's a big thing to use biodegradable glitter if you're using glitter nowadays.
But well, it doesn't really work in a snow globe, does it? You don't want your you don't want your biodegradable glitter degrading in your snow globe. But how how would a what a what a terror show that would be? Like, imagine like like if you imagine your little Santa figure like coming alive and be like, oh no, and like the goop and all this stuff like all over them, or like the Empire State Building being coated in biodegradable glitter goop. I mean, um too bad this isn't a this is your life show.
Yeah, well, that's uh you know, we'll do we'll do a different show, do a different show for that. By the way, in my family, and maybe one of you will use this at some point in in your life. Um, so you know, we're very kind of strict about when different things for sale come out in stores like holiday crap, the seasonal item in your local CVS and or right aid and or Walgreens and or whatever, wherever you have your do your your shopping for you know garbage. And um years and years ago, we still say it to this day, years and years ago, I walked in to a write aid in early February, and the Easter garbage was already out because I think it was an early Easter that year, and lady next to me goes, Easter, it ain't even Valentine's Over yet. And so we use that whenever anything comes out too early.
It's not Valentine. First of all, it's not St. Valentine's Day or Valentine's Day. It's the time of Valent. Valentine's over yet.
It ain't even Valentine's Over yet. Like that's we use that all the time. Whenever something comes out a little bit too early, a little bit too early. Oh, you know what another thing we did for the Easter slash uh spring season this year, Nastasia? We made again, and I haven't made it in, I'm gonna wanna say 20 years.
Panoramic Easter eggs. Love panoramic Easter eggs. You don't like panoramic Easter eggs? Not really. Wait, what?
What are you doing? What am I looking at if I'm looking at a panoramic Easter egg? A freaking bunny inside of the egg. Up like a like a didn't you have to make panorama boxes in grade school? No?
Oh, diorama. Dioramas, right? Well, they're called panoramic eggs. You look basically, it's like a sugar shell, it's like a sugar shell in the shape of an egg with a window and royal icing piped around it to like put the where you put the two halves of the eggs together together, and inside of it is like whatever. Like we have birds and fish.
One of the things that we've got. One, two, three, four, five, six. Made seven of them. May I just say, I haven't made them in many years. Like I said, I was gonna make them years ago, and I made the shells, but we never got around to decorating them, and then there was a leak, and then they got ruined, so I threw them away.
So Jen was like, we're gonna do it this year. Make the windows in the front a little bit bigger than you'd think. So what you do is you get an egg, you get an egg mold. Egg, oh, egg bold. I did that for any John Waters fans out there.
Oh, egg bold. Are you any of you guys John Waters people? No. No. Oh my god.
You've never seen any of the John Waters movies? Yeah. No. Okay. Jesus.
Go on. Okay. So you you it's a it's a it's a mix of like granulated sugar, powdered sugar, uh, egg white, right? And then you you make it into this coarse kind of sandy stuff, then you pack it into your into your egg mold halves, you unmold it onto like a piece of cardboard, you let it dry for like I'm gonna want the hard part, you gotta pack it in nice, or you get little divots and pock marks. You you let it dry for like a like 45 minutes hour, pick it up, and you scoop out the center, because the outside's firm, and then you let it dry for a couple of hours.
Oh, uh uh, you should also before it gets too dry, carve out the hole where the where the window's gonna be. And I would make that bigger than you possibly than you think, because it gets real dark inside of the egg. And then you know, do whatever you want. Jen decided this year that we weren't gonna go edible on the inside of the egg, so it's more like it's more like uh Swagnum Moss for stuff instead of just straight icing on the inside. But it's cool.
I like them. Dave, you know what I remembered? I threw your 40th birthday. Remember that? Oh my god, what a what a crapastical show that was.
Oh my god. Oh my god, that's all my finest work. Oh, geez, Luis. Like there was uh we were we had an intern called whose name was Dave Thomas, not Dave Thomas, the dead Wendy's hamburger guy. I don't remember.
So you do you remember this? So like there was this picture. So Dave Chang was there, and Nils and like a bunch, a bunch of people, right? Jeremy, Tom Chack, a bunch of like chefs were there, and you were like, Dave, get in the picture, and he's like, I'm Dave, and he jumps in, and we're like, all right. Remember that?
I was amazing. Yes. I had a picture's great. I cleaned up Fabulous's vomit at the end of the night. That was real bad.
It was a it was a rough, it was a rough night. It was a rough night. Rough night. Did anyone have the heart to tell Dave the intern that he wasn't the intended Dave? I think it was all right.
I think it was a yeah. Yeah. God, Dave. We were doing we were doing skulls. We were doing skulls that night.
Oh my god. The the best picture from that night is one like three quarters of the way in where we were still and like all like we're all wearing like suits. And like, but like the all of our ties are basically down. It's very it's very uh yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Good times, great oldies. Good times, great oldies. Um it's too bad that that's oh hello.
It's too bad. Oh wow. These birds are looking at me from outside. It's really weird. Well, are they birds or are they seagulls?
Burr sparrows. Um, okay, that's fine. If a seagull is staring at you in the face, you gotta you gotta go do go go lighthouse on them. If any of you have seen the movie uh the lighthouse, uh, there is a scene with a with a one-eyed seagull, and let me just say it does not end well. I was saying it's too bad we can't do a blowout party for your 50th this year.
I know a lot of things are too bad, but you know, we'll maybe we can celebrate later in LA uh this year. Like do a do one of our crappy LA parties. Our sub parties? If anyone has interest in uh in attending a sub party or funding a sub party. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. We are ready to throw that sub party. Listen, Nastasia, I need you to before we get off this, since I know you're on the you're on your your internet machine anyway, we need to buy that domain sub party if it doesn't already exist. Before it exists. Because we we need to be we need to have trademark the sub party.
The thing that I really I want Jamie Foxx to throw our sub party. That would be great. Well, that's quite an ask you have there, Nastasia. Yeah. I mean, like, I don't know why he would do that.
I don't know. He Nastasia's obsessed with Jamie Foxx throwing a fancy party for not very much money back when he was poor. Why would he do that now that he's like super rich? I don't know. I mean, I also heard he's playing uh somebody really awesome in a movie.
Oh, Mike Tyson. No, never mind. Wow, okay. We know how you feel about Mike Tyson. Uh I watched that fight.
Well when they when they when they introduced the latest round of like novelty domain endings, I think dot party was one of them. So you guys could get subdot party? Oh my god, that'd be so amazing. Oh my god. Yeah, I had someone write in, by the way, as uh an actual question.
Somebody wrote in on Twitter, I'll answer it here. They were grinding their own stuff, so ear muss for a second, Nastasia, and they had a bad result when they were doing polenta. And I think one of the main things people don't understand with flour in general is damaged starch and the effect of fines in certain recipes. So for something like polenta, you don't want a lot of fines or corn flour or damaged starch. And so if you were having problems with when you were grind, you know, grinding your stuff with corn, that's probably it.
Um, the the domain exit does not, we should buy it. Buy it, do it now. Yeah, before somebody who's hearing our voice does it. Yeah. Yeah, you're you're now racing 12 listeners.
Yeah, okay, Nastasia, hurry up. I'm gonna be talking about carbonation and grinding flour for the next three minutes. All right, no, here's the theory though. Here's the theory. Remember when we were doing the the COVID and the anosmic uh COVID uh McGill?
Right? It struck me, uh you know how people are lose their sense of taste and smell with the COVID. So um it struck me that I got takeout like five months ago from a uh uh a restaurant, and it was terrible. Terrible, had no flavor. Oh my god, Dave.
It's $700 for subdot party. What? Yeah, I think because it's just an awesome name. Yeah, it's a premium domain, it says. No, I'm yeah, I'm well, we're not premium people, so no one pays a premium for a sub party.
That's the whole idea. Yeah, maybe Jamie Fox will pick it up. I can eye. Yeah, yeah. I think yes.
You know what? When he does host that party, everyone's gonna eat their words. Sargon says it's 500 on Google domain, so it's coming down. Listen, listen. Hey, what it was, what do you think I will happily eat my authorize me to what do you authorize?
No, no, no, no, no. I'm not actually gonna use it. We're not actually gonna use it. Listen, listen, listen, listen. When I when I eat my words, am I allowed some form of sauce?
Uh no, no. Let me ask you this. Have the words come out of my mouth and like sat in a cup and dehydrated and gotten that dehydrated spit smell when I eat them, or are they fresh words? No, no, no. The former.
Okay, I'm gonna say this only once. And if any of you are eating, put on earmuffs right now. Oh god, they're not don't don't, don't, don't. It's gonna be gross, isn't it? The worst smelling thing I've ever smelled is not the Surstromming.
It was in college when someone said they would drink a cup of spit, and the spit cup went around, and then everyone spat in it. And when it came around to me, I smelled it. It was the worst smell ever. Were you pledging a fraternity or what? No, no, it was for it was for money.
It was for money, and we didn't let him do it. We did not let him do it. I smelled it and I was like, you're not doing this. This is not happening. So he didn't do it.
No, he didn't do it. Oh my god. It's probably good. We'd have been would have been patient zero for some other pandemic. No, but I used to like, you know, like I I never did it for like, you know, kudos.
I did stuff for money. Like I drank a gallon of salsa for like I think five bucks. That's not bad. And you also did milk or something, right? And then a gallon's a lot.
No, I never did the milk challenge. I've seen people do the milk challenge. I've never seen someone, I've seen people successfully get a gallon of milk down, but not hold it down. So that's when you got F by the guy, right? Uh no, no.
That one he he drank the uh so this guy I knew we had stolen from the dining hall a gallon of cooking wine, pay Petri Brava, this the brave stone. And um, you know, and so like he this guy said he could drink this whole gallon of wine in an hour, and we're like, we can't because that'll that's enough alcohol to kill you, and you're a lightweight anyway. So I was like, I'll take that bet because you know you'll be dead. I won't have to pay you anyway, right? And he did it, but he had secretly replaced the wine with water beforehand for a different prank he was planning on doing.
So he was punished. You know what I mean? Like, because that's Welching. You know what I mean? Yes.
Like that's not cool. Yes. Not good. Not cool. Um, hold on, hold on.
So back to what I was saying. So during the pandemic, we get this relatively new restaurant. Food abysmal, no flavor at all, like completely like underflavored. Here's my theory. Maybe the chef was experiencing post-COVID like uh taste problems and could not judge the flavor of uh what they were putting out.
You think that's possible? I don't know. I don't know. If anyone has had an experience where they think their chef has no sense of taste anymore, you know, or you know, if any of you want to follow up on the on the show we did about it. It's probably a medie question, though.
No, I mean, I'm saying for people out there, how many restaurants can Harold eat at? I'm saying, like, do you think this has happened to you? Also, so everybody knows I posted the Harold video that everyone loves today. Wait, Zoltar? Yeah.
Well, the one where the meat falls and then Zoltar. No, it's classic. So Fabulous, which is you know, Fabian Von Husky and Jeremiah Stone, who has a dog named, by the way, for Japanese food names, like we have two in our friends and family zone, we have two dogs named after kiss case starting Japanese food. What is yours called? Koji.
Hey, Koji. Yeah. And uh, and Jeremiah Stone's dog is Kambu. But Jeremiah's dog looks like one of these, like, you know how like certain animals, like like whippets and whatnot have like some sort of genetic problem where they can't put fat on. So like they're always shaking because like they're cold because they have no fat.
You know what I'm talking about? No. Yeah. So uh, well, so he has something that looks like almost like like a pit mix, but with that shaking issue. Is it what I'm saying?
Here is it a mutt. I have no idea. I have no idea. But anyway, it's named Kambu, and it's always shaking. But it's like all it's like only muscles and bones.
Did you know that uh there is a a Belgian breed of pig called the uh I I'm gonna mispronounce it for you because that's what I do to other uh to French words, pie train or something like this, and uh Pietran, something like this, uh I believe it's Belgian, and it's a double muscled pig with very low fat, and they quite often just drop dead. They just boom and drop over dead because like it's just too much stress on their system to have all of that muscle and like not enough fat. Yeah, you know, it's just just like what they're there once, you know, you walk up, you're like boo pig, and it's like over, down. Yeah. So and a lot, a lot of farm animals with the double muscled trait, super lean, have that sudden death kind of a problem.
Yeah. Yeah, just that's a little FYI for all of you guys if you're planning on uh raising them. I talked to the TP people, they said it's fine. So Nastasia Lopez. Dave gave me Yeah.
Yeah, talk about it, talk about it. Talk about it. Nastasia Lopez, as many of us have, I can't, I can't, she can, I can't, have had teepee dreams. So go ahead. So I got a teepee, I ordered a teepee.
And uh from a place that is uh uh an authentic place, and the poles arrived on Friday or whatever, and uh and they're big, they're like 18 feet probably. And teepee size. It's not like it's not like an IKEA freaking teepee. And I've like a huge lawn, like huge with no house on it. Well, it's a tiny little tiny house.
Tiny house, but huge lawn. And the neighbors are lucky because there's no house on it, so they have a view also. Anyway, polls arrive, and the neighbor was like, What you're gonna do with those polls? And I said, It's for a teepee. And he was like, Oh, they're really big.
If you need them cut down, I know a guy. Little hint, yeah. So then I called it. By the way, for those for those of you, wait before before you're done. For those of you know, Nastasia's place is roughly the size.
You know, when you drive up to a home depot and they have those prefab like sheds out front, like that size. Go ahead. The place I'm in, the place that I about. Yeah, your actual apartment is like the size of one of those two prefabs. The neighbors hate this place because it's like it's a cute place, though it's cute.
Yeah, but they hate it because it blocks it blocks a portion of their view. Whatever. It was there before they were. Is it is it new construction? It was there before they were.
That's like that's like the person who moves in over a bar and it's like it's loud. And also, I'm really quiet. I like you know, don't do anything. I what am I gonna do by myself? Anyway, so I called Dave and I'm like, oh my god, Dave, this is what they said.
What am I gonna do? You know, and Dave, what did you say? Yeah, uh you're gonna say that. I can't I can't say it. I just said that like so you know Nastasi and her dad have been doing their genetics research, and they you know came back with uh forget what it what it what was the what was the exact dad is 40% Native American, so right?
But it wasn't a specific group or not? Apache, yeah, yeah. And yeah, so like, yeah, I was like, Nastasia, you could totally just make them feel terrible. You could totally just, you know, yeah. It's just uh we just got the results back, and we're celebrating, you know, confirming the heritage that we always said that we have, or celebrating, and then like the person could be like, you tope, but you do.
You specifically do. No, I don't. I don't want to go there. Like, I you want to make them squirm. You want to make them squirm like a bit.
They're gonna send me a ton of texts and not be upfront, you know, about this TP and it's first of all versus the people. If you're dealing with nostasia, or really anyone, don't go past it, go full. Go full of it. Don't go passive, go full. Go full.
Yeah. Is the TP actually like is it going to really obstruct their yeah, but I but how far away is their house? I mean, like, you know, it's like very like, I don't know. I mean, like, Matt, have you seen a real thing about it? Right, you can imagine.
That's what I'm that's what I'm trying to get at. Yeah, there we go. Before before we get into this, like how big how big is the how big's the bottom spread gonna be? Like 12 feet. 12 foot, yeah.
Yeah, so it's not insubstantial. It's a 12 I know. It's a 12-foot diameter, 18-foot highlight. It's still relative. It's all relative.
Uh, yeah. Right, yes. Yes, it is. I said that to them. You know what?
Very uh, John, you're very uh what's it called? Very uh soothing presence in these kind of things. Uh I'm dreading this. Is this listen? Also, setting this thing up next to your house gonna make it.
It's not gonna be next to my house. This is even smaller. It's gonna be far away, like underneath. Well, the real problem is that is that she can't have it blowing into the sound. That's the real issue.
Well, they so I told them I called the TP company, told them about the winds, and they said, No problem. That this is what they're made for. Yeah, I told you that wasn't gonna be a problem because they're out on the plains where the winds are a billion miles away. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?
But uh dreading, dreading you're not, you're you're you're secretly loving it the same way. And John, you know, are super waspy, so they say things in very passive ways, very passive. And you could threaten to decorate the outside of the TV. It is decorated. Oh it's a whole like that it's a it's a scene of like a Native American killing a buffalo.
So it's very strong, it's very strong, Sass. I bet you can't wait to make your first fire in it. You gotta figure out how to work the fire flap. I read the the books you gave me, so it's it's a creating a vacuum, you have to create a vacuum. Also, I got the upstairs fireplace to work things to you.
So yeah, yeah. By the way, for those of you that don't use your fireplaces and you haven't, like if you live in a place where the fireplace hasn't been used for a long time, it is a good idea to get it checked first. Um and I would get it checked in the summertime, uh, because that's when chimney sweeps uh don't have a lot of business. Otherwise, like if you call during burning time, it's very hard to get a chimney sweep to come out and check your check your your stuff. But I think that the main problem that a lot of people have with bad draws is they don't put something real quick burning to get some heat into the flu.
Soon as the flu gets hot, it'll start to draw, you know? Anyways, when I had the guy look at my fireplace in my because the fireplace upstairs is in the bedroom. The the guy came up and he was like, Oh, why do you need it to work? It's not like you're gonna be looking at the fire in here anyway, right? I was like, Oh, you're like suck it, buddy.
It's my fireplace. I hate it when people tell me what I should or shouldn't be doing. Right, you know what I mean? Yeah. One of the things you'll tell you believe is when someone's like, if you're carrying like a lot of boxes of liquor, like it was always happened at the FCI.
What does somebody say? Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh my god. Oh, we need help tasting. Oh, here's some more things we hate people. John got another angry freaking email this morning from someone all bent like a freaking pretzel about us not having freaking Sears all for sale.
Buddy, die. You know what I'm saying? Like, why are you giving John crap about something he already feels bad about as though we're organizing our business going sinking like the freaking Titanic just so that you can't get your Sears All? Like, who thinks that that's a thing? You know what I'm saying?
What are you saying? Super snarky. Hold up. Let me pull it up. He's for just for everyone's record, too.
He's been emailing me since December 16th. Yeah. Yeah. That's because that's a good thing. Another month has gone by.
Still no Searsol. We're now in what? The fourth month of unavailability? Any update? As per your previous emails, can you please define quote unquote soon?
Thanks. Wow. It's not like we're doing this because we like it, you know? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You know what, Stas? What it? Why don't we shut down our whole source of revenue for a quarter of a year just to shaft this one person?
Right. No, but like if only people knew like the angry conversations between in you know, internally, like externally, with like all, you know, so it's not healthy. Is there a Searsol page on Amazon that says it's like unavailable? No, they wiped it. They wiped it.
Yeah. There are pages. No, no. No, no, no. There's pages.
There's pages for the knockoffs, though, so there's that. That's good. Uh all right, hold up. So, John, you said you had some information on crab being the new poke, or no? Well, no, you said you you're the one who wanted to talk about it.
I want well, I wanted people to write in and tell me why they think the crab restaurants are a thing now. And someone gave me someone sent me on Twitter uh like a really cool word, which I'll I'll I'll forget, but it's something like carcinero carcerization. I I can't pronounce it without I have to see it in front of me, but it's like the coevolution of the parallel evolution of crab like features in different decopod uh crustacean lines. Cool word. Cool word.
Uh I wish I could remember exactly how to pronounce it without looking at it. Whereas I have other words where I know how to pronounce them but couldn't spell them if you asked me to. You know what I'm saying? Weird. Um, the meaning of this word is like uh independently a bunch of organisms trend towards these same traits.
Is that the idea? Right, but they're all crabs. Yeah, look it up. It's like like kars like crab, carcinot carcinization, car uh you look it up and you tell me. You you look it up, you tell me.
Um also when you guys uh if if you guys are gonna be getting in, because it's bug season coming up uh soon. If you are getting large amounts of uh grains and flowers in and you have a vacuum machine, it is a very good application for a vacuum because a good tight vacuum seal will kill anything that's alive. Not bacteria, but will kill uh bugs and whatnot. So vac down your stuff as soon as you get it. I have 45 pounds of soft red wheat that just showed up, and about 15 pounds of bloody butchered corn that I'm gonna be messing around with.
And so as soon as we get off the phone, actually, not as soon as I get uh we get off the phone, because Nastasia has me doing another phone call as soon as we get off the phone. But right after that, I'm gonna be spending my birthday vacuuming down sack after sack after sack of wheat. So good tip. Yeah, Matt, we need to end it right at one today, so yeah. This episode is brought to you by Wisconsin Cheese.
My name is Samantha Garner, and I'm from Boston, Massachusetts. I'm a Cheeselandian because I take cheese seriously just like they do in Wisconsin. Cheese Landia is a community for loud and proud cheese lovers brought to life by Wisconsin Cheese. I know that I can always cook amazing food with their cheese, and it's even good enough just to snack on. As a Cheeselandia member, I know there is always a supported community behind me who always gets as excited as I do about cheese.
Go to Cheeselandia.com to learn more. And if it's for you, sign up. Check us out on Instagram at Cheese Landia. By the way, by the way, before we started the radio show today, someone in the background had someone lifting something so heavily that I could hear the hernia. Who was it?
Not me. Oh one of you in the background, right before the bean. It was that was that was on my end, and it was I oh man, I hope that guy's okay. So actually, like the miracle thing happened, which was that they were doing construction right next to me. And then it stopped just in time for the show and has stopped this entire time.
Like they must have taken their lunch break. Although I hadn't put it together that the very last thing I heard from them was like, So, so like maybe someone is actually very injured next door. I probably should be looking. Someone's intestine has popped through their abdominal wall and is like flapping around like a tapeworm right now. And I was just like, oh my good luck, they stopped.
Yeah. Fantastic. Because they're in the hospital, too. Geez, Louise. Alright.
From Sargon via email. Hey Nastasia, this came to you, Nastasia. I heard Dave's uh chamber vacuum hijanks after baking bread. I've been looking at a chamber vac upgrade to my current setup, which is a food master. Uh you know, uh, any recommendations for relatively small home space?
So the one that I use is a mini pack. Uh, but I have to say I only really have experience with uh mini packs and with essentially. I have experience with Burkles, mini packs, and multi-vax, but they're all like kind of the expensive professional ones, and they're real pricey. I like the mini vac ones for um mini pack ones for size to benefit ratio. Um so like, you know, especially their smaller oil ones, I think are very good size for a home kitchen.
Uh, and they have a nice dome top so you can get pretty big stuff in for their size, but I don't have a lot of experience with anything kind of less expensive than that. But, you know, and I haven't bought one in many, many years, but it always used to be, you know, Mini Pack was uh a little bit of the underdog compared to multivac, and so they would give you better customer service, whereas the multivac people didn't care whether or not you bought their stuff or not. They had that real kind of German kind of attitude about it. So uh, you know, I always pushed for mini-pack whenever, whenever I could. I heard they were releasing a new unit, um, but I I haven't seen it yet, so uh I can't say anything about it.
Uh crafted Grog wrote in via Instagram. Hey Dave, uh just started liquid intelligence and I'm enjoying it. At least that's back in stock. At least I'm personally selling something, right? Nastasia, you know, yeah, I think it's back in stock.
I I guess so. So mean. So mean. On my birthday yet. Uh hey Dave, just started liquid intelligence and enjoying it.
So not like Nastasi. Well, you enjoyed it. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. Yeah, I left it at someone's house, though. So Jesus.
Did I inscribe it to you? Probably. Yeah. You're such a jagweed. The next time that guy brings something over for a potential.
Someone can sell that for a lot of money. Yeah, yeah. By the way, if you go on Urban Dictionary and look up Jagweed, the person who defined jagweed misspelled douche. What a jagued. Um, so how long would one have to boil, say, a standard 80-proof spirit like an age rum or even liquor to completely remove the alcohol?
Also, would some of the flavor of the rum or liquor be removed too? Thanks. Yes, much of the flavor will be removed. You're gonna be removing um most of the aromatic compounds uh because that's why they're aromatic. You boy you boil them off, right?
And so um, you know, if you boil for a long time, um, you know, that's that's that's gonna happen. Also, it depends on what you mean by completely, right? So um, you know, when you're doing testing for alcohol levels, what they tend to do is they take a sample, they boil it down to a third of its volume, and then they redilute it back up to full volume to test uh when they're doing uh tests of um for instance alcohol versus uh sugar and and things like that. Um so I mean it's quite a lot, and you're still never gonna get down to zero because there's always kind of a differential partial pressure. So it's not like it's not like you're boiling something and only the alcohol comes off and then only the water.
So you never get down to zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, but nothing is zero, zero, zero. Like, you know, there's yeast everywhere making alcohol at all times. For practical purposes, I would probably say that if you reduce by you know half, you're gonna get rid of most of it. And then, like I say, for testing purposes, they reduce two one third typically. Um that did I answer that question?
Yes, go on. Uh Nikki J 93, uh 93, year I graduated from college. Uh when people write 93, that's the usually the year of their when they write a year, that's the year of their birth typically, right? Mm-hmm. That sounds about right with our listener person.
Demographic go. I don't mean that, but I mean in general, that's how people choose their names, or no? Yeah. Yeah. Unless at a certain age, you might do like high school graduation year or something if you're quite young.
Oh, geez. Like when it's ahead of you. What is the six and Nikki six mean? That's his last name. In the real life?
Yeah, he took his like step. I can't remember, but yes, it's a real last name. Hmm. I looked up this morning a blues musician. Check out this person's name.
Ready for it? Houston Stack House. How awesome is that name. Nice. Yeah.
Uh Nikki J93. Hey Dave, fan of the podcast. So sorry about existing conditions. What's my favorite bar in the city? Well, you know, maybe some I don't know.
Who knows? Uh I I don't know. I don't know. Or as my grandma's parrot, which may or may not still be alive, Gunther. Not Gunter, Gunther.
Uh you would say he he used to say two things that he would mumble, right? I don't want to, and I don't know. I don't know. I don't. I don't want to I don't want to want to open up.
Wait, no, Dave, that's not true. That's not true. Well, talk about it. I tried to get him to curse. What?
Which one? Oh, what the well, so he would squawk, right? So, like, he would like Gunther. So, you we were driving from like LAX to Mount St. Helens in like a very underpowered motor home.
This has got to be 1984, right? 83, 84, something like this. And we got two dogs, a chow, a vicious chow, Taffy. The other guy said, I think I said this before, the only animal whose death I celebrated with a drink. When this dog died, I went out for cocktails, celebrated, you know, spent more money than I had at the time in college, because this was the only the meanest dog that I have ever encountered in my life.
In fact, my stepfather, the shrink, had you know, said that like it's the only uh animal model for schizophrenia he's ever seen. Wow. Right? So like this dog was mean. So mean, in fact, and I and I make it a habit to not be mean to to animals, right?
Whenever grandpa would have Taffy on, it was a chow, right? It's pictured, big chow. When grandpa would have Taffy on a leash, when grandpa would look away, I would make a face at Taffy, Taffy would bark, grandpa would yank the chain. I was like, hey. And the re one of the reasons I hated this dog so much was because we're in the motor home, and for those of you that never been in a in an 80s vintage kind of motor home, like above the driver, there's like a little like attic space, right?
And that was the bed where I slept, right? And because grandma and grandpa, they would pick up the table in the back that had the map of the America on it, and then they would put the table down, and that would become their bed. You guys familiar the setup I'm talking about? Yeah. Yeah.
So anyway, middle of the night, and this is why I think, by the way, I can hold myself on a 14-hour plane flight. Like to this day, like I I can get on a 14-hour plane flight, and I do not need to use the restroom if I don't want to, right? And it's because this dog would not let me pee at night. I would try to swing my leg over to get down. And I didn't want to wake grandma and grandpa up to like, you know, even though they were only like 10 feet from me because they're in the back of the motorhome.
And so to this day, I hold a grudge. I can hold a grudge on not being allowed to pee. But again, Taffy maybe taught me a valuable lesson. But that's not the story. So Gunther.
So Gunther used to have this thing where if you left him alone, he would start saying, Love you, love you, love you, honey, honey, honey. And then if you didn't answer, it would just go, ah, ah! So, like, we're going up like uh the you know, big sur area, like that Pacific Coast Highway, like you know, it's like a cliff, you fall off of it. We're in a motorhome. Grandpa's only doing like one mile an hour, so cars are going in that tiny lane around us, you know what I mean?
Nightmare. Super underpowered dodge. Nightmare. Anyway, so uh we're going around and we start hitting these bumps, right? And grandpa can't do anything, he can't pull off nothing because we're on the Pacific Coast Highway.
And all of a sudden, Gunther, who during the day is in my bed up above the uh, you know, the driver, the cage goes, boom, falls off of his thing, hits the ground. Gunther starts running and flapping up and down the motor home with the two dogs going, Love you, love you! Like the screaming, we're on the Pacific Coast Highway. And my grandma also then starts going, like, but grandma basically sounded like the parrot. So if you closed your eyes, you didn't know whether you were hearing my grandma or whether you were hearing the parrot.
And in fact, my stepfather once thought that he was catching grandma and grandpa doing it. And it was the parrot. It was the parrot screaming, love you in the morning. And and Gerard, my stepfather was like, Hey, hey, pretty good. I hope I'm still going this way when I'm their age.
You know what I mean? Hey, go for it. Anyway, it turns out it was the parrot. But uh, I don't even know how so the other thing is that the parrot would constantly mumble. I don't want to because anyway, so like whenever I mumble like that, I do the parrot mumble, or like, you know, no, you know, I don't I don't know, I don't know.
He would say, I don't know, I don't want to, but my grandma didn't want the parrot to say anything negative, which you know, I again the parrot hated me, so like I couldn't teach it anything because I tried to teach it curses constantly, because of course, because I was a teenage boy, and uh, but like she would always say that instead of saying I don't want to, because he would always torture my grandpa and make him do stuff he didn't want to do and say that he didn't mind. Richard doesn't mind, she would say that all the time. Like, grandpa would be sitting there reading some garbage pulp novel because that's the only thing he actually liked doing. And someone else would be like lifting something, and she'd be like, Richard lift that for you. Richard doesn't mind.
He's like, it's because grandma hated reading. Grandma hated reading and learning. This is your terrible, yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, so like, and so like, and then I guess grandpa would mumble, and then so then the parrot learned I don't want to, but grandma wouldn't accept that the parrot was saying that it didn't want to. So she would say, old Dean Witter, old Dean Whitter, and we're like, what the who the hell is Dean Witter?
And she was trying to retrain the bird into saying this nonsense, old Dean Witter. When I've still to this day, I've no idea what old Dean Witter is, or why they named it Gunther instead of calling it Gunter, which would be the actual German name. I mean, who whoever calls anyone, it's not Gunther Gable Williams. Hey, there they lived in uh San Bernardino, so they're that kind of hill. You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah. Uh they move from San Bernardino to Hemick. Hold on. All right. I think we're mid question, but you have like five minutes.
Five and six Dave. Nikki J93 has a question. I don't want to. Uh, what is the best binding agent for breading slash frying? Some recipes call for egg, milk, buttermilk, or some combination thereof.
Was curious on your view for the best crunchy crust on some breaded and fried stuff, uh, chicken tofu, etc. Thanks. Nikki J, this is an incredibly complicated question. And one, in fact, that I'm working on uh right now. And there is no one best combination.
You have to think about what you are trying to do. When you say breading, right? Do you mean that you wish to have actual bread crumbs? Think about you need to come back to me on the on the next show, and you need to tell me, give me a target, right? So there's Schnitzel style crust, which is like made typically with European or what we call ABC American breadcrumbs.
There's more Tankatsu style, which is breaded. There's uh reasons to use cracker meal, although it's very not very used uh in in um regular kind of home cooking. And you're gonna you're gonna be thinking about what you want the texture of the coating to be, and then also like what the parameters are. Are you gonna do a pre-dust? I typically do a pre-dust in straight flour, then into a buttermilk, egg, uh, buttermilk, egg, baking soda, baking powder, and the soda is there, but it'll brown rapidly.
So if you're doing big things, you want to like scale back the soda to keep it acidic, and then back into flour. Uh it's but I want like crusty and crispy. If you want something that's crispy on the outside, but more temporal like, you wouldn't re-bred afterwards. You would use a heavier pre-dust and then a batter. So yeah, like it's very complicated, and I'm working on it right now for the book.
So come back with kind of more exactly what you want, and we can tailor the answer to more what you need. Does that make sense? Yes. Okay, instead of going to a question, let's leave it with something happy for birthday reasons. Um, okay, you got something happy?
Um what's one of our favorite stories or something we haven't told? Come on, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think. Uh, what's one of the best birthdays you've ever had? And why? Well, that 40th birthday was fun.
Yeah. You you were there, Jen was there, we had the whole crew at the FCI. That was a good birthday party. Yeah. That was a good birthday party.
Jen's 40th birthday party was also a great birthday party. That was at Del Posto back in the day. Um Mark made his 8 billion layer lasagna, which doesn't actually have 100 layers, right? Well, there's a lot of Mark fallacies that we've learned. It's like, like, you know, it's like, it's like, you know, this is the way Mark Ladner counts.
13, 14, 100. Exactly. Yes. Yes. Yeah.
It's many layers. It was a thin pasta, many layered lasagna. But a hundred sounds better. Ah, yeah, I don't know. Oh, I'll tell you this.
I'll give you this, right? So my dad, for my uh 50th birthday, uh sent me the pocket watch, and of course, because my family is like engineers, right? So my dad's an engineer, my grandpa was an engineer, uh, both double E. My grandpa was the was the first uh graduate of Penn State's uh radio engineers department and went directly to Westinghouse to design radars for uh World War II. Anyway, so because of that, of course, he has a spare.
He gave me my great-grandpa Clarence uh Clarence's pocket watch. And uh and sometime back in like the 40s, when my grandpa got it, he bought a spare identical unit in case this one ever broke so that he could swap out the parts. Classic Arnold engineering family kind of thinking. So he sends me this uh pocket watch, which is a railroad style, Hamilton railroad style pocket watch from 1916, so right in between when my great uncle Luke was born and when my grandpa was born. And great-grandpa Clarence, I never met him, he died before I was born, but he was a Lutheran minister in um in Pennsylvania and in Baltimore, all over Pennsylvania, York, uh Baltimore, uh over in college, uh State College over by you know um Penn State.
And uh so the railroad watches are interesting because you can't set them without opening them up because they were afraid on the railroad that you might accidentally set it while you were winding it and then get the time wrong, and then you'd have all kinds of problems. So he would take this watch uh before every sermon and he would put it down on the pulpit in front of him to remind himself that in his words, you don't save anyone after the first 15 minutes. Bye. And that's it. That's it.
You only have 15 minutes. And then people tune out. Now imagine now it's probably 15 seconds. Yes. So it's like, you know, in in in, you know, in he graduated seminary probably in the 20s.
Uh, or like, you know, maybe the teens or twenties. Uh, so yeah, actually the teens. You he graduated in the in the in the teens. And so, uh, yeah, back then you had a full 15 minutes to save people. So now, if you want to get anything done, if you want to save people, get your information across, just bear that in mind.
Put the watch down, and that's it. Yeah. Happy birthday. Thank you. Happy birthday.
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